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Select Stories from the archives:
Women plan affairs as NFL season begins
Allen Iverson "spreads my motherf****** wings", writes children's book
McDonald's "Happy Meals" to include WorldCom, Enron stock
More woes for U.S. economy; "Christmas In July" sales down from last year
Retired anchorman admits local news "Irrelevant", weather "Over-hyped"
WNBA closer to equaling NBA; female player arrested on drug, assault charges
Pam Anderson's breasts to star in reality television series
"Hands Across Pakistan" cancelled
Bush's new security initiative: ADT security signs along U.S. borders
Kevin Bacon linked to Al Qaeda in "six degrees"
Corporate America files to secede from rest of America
Wal-Mart greeter's inconsistencies trouble stockholders, execs
Ford shelves new SUV; no good "E" names left
Robert Downey, Jr. to fight inner demons on Fox's "Celebrity Boxing"
FBI memo warned Bush of pretzel choking hazard
Taco Bell chihuahua dies of heroin overdose
Star Wars Geeks look for new ways to express geekishness
Holy Trinity breaks up, Holy Spirit goes solo
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Someone Actually Buys One of those Scooter Invention Things    
Manchester, NH - Sally Walker has been a customer service representative for Segway, LLC since March 2001.  It was then that Dean Kamen's much-hyped Segway transportation vehicle was introduced to the public.  She has taken "a hundred or so" calls in the nineteen months since, most of them curious consumers, or pranksters.

"One guy called like, thirty times, asking to speak with Ginger, asking what Ginger was wearing, what she smelled like, all kinds of sick s___", said Walker.  "Ginger" is the nickname given to Kamen's Segway vehicle by the press prior to the product's release.  Walker said that she almost quit a couple of times, but she could find no other customer service job that would pay her for "sitting on my ass" and "reading my magazines". 

Everything changed for Walker, and Segway LLC, last Friday afternoon when David Garcia called the company's toll-free number, and asked Walker if he could place an order for a Segway vehicle.  Initially thinking the call another prank, Walker told Garcia that he "better not be no fool" and reminded him that his call may be monitored for quality assurance.

Once Garcia assured the nineteen-year old mother of two that he was serious, Walker scrambled to retrieve her product manual from the dusty shelf above her cubicle.  After answering Garcia's questions, and advising him of the company's refund and warranty policies, she entered his order into the company's online system.

Garcia, who recently regained consciousness after an eighteen-month coma, was unaware that he was the first consumer to order a Segway.  "Before I was hit by that passenger van, this invention was a very hot topic in the press.  I figured that a lot of people had (a Segway) by now."

Garcia says that he plans to use his Segway “a lot” for everyday tasks.  “Like, instead of walking to my kitchen to make a sandwich, or to the corner to buy a newspaper, I can ride on the Segway and pretend that I’m on a float in a parade.  I think it will be really neat.”

While executives at Segway, LLC are encouraged by the first consumer purchase of their product, they realize that they may need to incorporate new marketing strategies to entice more buyers.  Alan Conway, the vice-president of North American marketing for Segway, says the company may offer zero percent financing and cash-back on some Segway models.  “If it worked for Chevrolet, there’s no reason that it wouldn’t work for us.  I mean, most Chevy’s are crap, but GM turned a profit last year.”

Until such deals are finalized, Walker will continue to work her shift at Segway’s customer service center in relative silence.  “I hope they do something (to sell more).  I done read all my McCall's, and now Rosie's magazine is going out of business.  I need some work to keep me busy."
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