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| Pretty Girl Realizes she is Not Interesting, Funny Man pretends to listen, one-night stand ensues |
| Louisville, KY - Dana Morton, a twenty-three year old student and part-time waitress, came to the realization last week that she is neither funny nor interesting. For years, Morton believed that people were interested in what she had to say, and that they appreciated her sense of humor. As it turns out, it was all an act, because as Morton says, "I'm a hottie". "Guys would always talk to me, seem like they cared about what I was saying, laugh at my jokes, everything. It got to the point were I really thought that my ideas were important. But recently, I figured out that they were really just trying to get me into bed." According to Morton, the revelation came after she hooked up with twenty-seven year old Kirk Harrison last weekend. Harrison reportedly began talking to Morton while having drinks at a local bar. At first, Morton said, Harrison seemed very attentive to what she was saying. "I was telling him about how hard it is to go to school and have a job. He seemed to understand. Then I told him how much I really love my cat and how sometimes she gets into my make-up, and even though that makes me mad, I still love her. He said he though I was a really good person for that. Then I told him the story about when me and my girlfriend, Jen, went to see Dave Matthews and got real drunk. He was laughing, smiling, and everything." According to Morton, however, Harrison remembered none of their conversation the next morning, after the two had spent the night together. "He was all 'I had fun' and 'I'll call you' and then 'I've got to go to work'. Work? It was Sunday morning, and I don't think he is a minister. I asked him if he wanted to meet my cat, and he said 'You have a cat?'. And then he just left. That's when I started to get suspicious about him (not listening)." Harrison was not available for comment. Morton is now trying to deal with the realization that men do not find her the least bit funny or interesting. She said that she is getting support and strength from her friends, and of course, her cat. "My friends have been pretty helpful. But mostly, I have long talks with my cat, Fluff. She loves me, and I know that she likes me for what I say, not how I look. Cats are really nice that way." Click Here to go to the front page and get more satire! |
| All material written by Doug Small Copyright © 2002, 2003 Doug Small |