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| Oracle Makes Bid to Buy State of Delaware Software giant willing to assume state's $225 million deficit in exchange for legislative control, naming rights Wilmington, DE - Oracle CEO Larry Ellison today announced his intention to purchase the state of Delaware for $300 million in cash and Oracle stock. The move comes on the heels of Oracle's bid for rival software firm PeopleSoft, and is the first time that an offer has been made to buy a U.S. territory. Delaware governor Ruth Ann Minner responded to the bid with shock and seemed certain that the hostile takeover could be avoided. "Oracle's bid comes as a big surprise to the government and people of Delaware", said Minner at a press conference. "At this point, we are checking into whether or not a company, such as Oracle, can buy a state, and whether or not Delaware is actually for sale." Oracle's announcement sent shockwaves through the political and economic landscape. Oracle shares dropped 8% immediately following the announcement, only to rebound and break even for the day, with heavy volume being traded. Meanwhile, government officials in Washington scrambled to look into the legality of such a purchase, and who actually currently owns Delaware. In an afternoon press conference, Ellison seemed certain that Oracle would own Delaware in the near future. "The fact is that the state of Delaware is in a budget crisis that it can not resolve. Oracle's bid will immediately pump $300 million into the state budget, and (Oracle) will also be assuming all current Delaware debt. Call this a 'hostile takeover' if you must, but the people of this great state deserve a better future, and I will be able to give them just that." President Bush, who was giving a speech to coal miners in Kentucky, called the Oracle bid "interesting" and added that "49 states would be easier for me to handle than 50". Ellison rival Tom Siebel called the move "typical", and added "Larry thinks he can take over the world, and I guess he thinks this is a good place to start. I personally would have targeted Vermont." Ellison defended his decision, citing fourteen state parks, a minor league baseball franchise, an annual Nascar race in Dover, and the annual Great Delaware Kite Festival as reasons that Delaware is primed for success. "Delaware is a state rich in tradition and excitement. None of the existing festivals or events will be changed. I mean, who doesn't love minor league baseball and kites?" If the takeover bid is successful, Ellison plans to place several Oracle executives in key state government positions, and is considering re-naming the state either New Ellison or OracleLand. Click Here to go to the front page and get more satire! |
| All material written by Doug Small Copyright © 2002, 2003 Doug Small |