Select Stories from the archives:
Hollywood Insider: No one currently in love with Meg Ryan
"Friends" Spin-off announced: Schwimmer, Danza to star in "Who's the Ross?"
Kevin Bacon linked to Al Qaeda in "six degrees"
Holy Trinity breaks up, Holy Spirit launches solo career
Man Cultivates Acne to battle Middle-Age
2002 "Year in Review"
Irish Pub owner discovered to be from Scotland
Christopher Reeve gains movement, may lose some medical benefits
Blue Brick investigation: Discrimination at "Big and Tall" stores
Man's fantasy football prowess not translating into real-life success
Women plan affairs as NFL season begins
McDonald's "Happy Meals" to include WorldCom, Enron stock
Allen Iverson "Spreads my motherf______ wings", writes children's book
Retired anchorman admits local news "Irrelevant", weather "Over-hyped"
Pam Anderson's breasts to star in reality television series
"Hands Across Pakistan" cancelled
Bush's new security initiative: ADT security signs along U.S. borders
Wal-Mart greeter's inconsistencies trouble stockholders, execs
Ford shelves new SUV; no good "E" names left
Robert Downey, Jr. to fight inner demons on Fox's "Celebrity Boxing"
FBI memo warned Bush of pretzel choking hazard
Star Wars Geeks look for new ways to express geekishness
Contact The Blue Brick
Links
Support The Blue Brick
Blue Brick FAQ
The Blue Brick is a newspaper parody and satire website.  This is not an actual news site.  Full disclaimer.
Subscription
Blue Brick in the news
"Scathing humor" - The Louisville Courier-Journal
"Plenty of articles...will keep you browsing for hours" -
AskMen.com
All material written by Doug Small Copyright © 2002 - 2005 Doug Small
Links














Get Yer Official Blue Brick Merchandise Here!
Click here to send this page to a friend
Classic Blue Brick:
Holy Trinity Breaks up; Holy Spirit Goes Solo

Kevin Bacon Linked to Al-Qaeda in "Six Degrees"

Pam Anderson's Breasts to Star in Reality TV Series
Please visit our pals...
Click Here for today's worldwide satire headlines
Visit GeoReviews.com to buy and review personal care products, gadgets and more

Subscribe now! Get an email when new material is added:
email:
Powered by NotifyList.com

Los Angeles, CA – The last time Claudia Gilligan went grocery shopping, the mother of two bought what she thought to be a snack for her children.  In reality, she had unknowingly purchased “Vodka Roll-Ups”, a new product manufactured and marketed by General Spirits, a division of General Foods. 

It was not until Gilligan’s seven year-old son, Gregory, had eaten two of the Vodka Roll-ups that she began to suspect that something was strange about the “snack” that she had purchased.

“He was weaving around the room, and his speech was a little slurred.  At first I thought he had run into the bookcase again, but when I saw no marks or bruises on his head, I was suspicious.  Then, he started trying to play the guitar and told me how much he loved me.  That’s when I knew he was drunk”, said Gilligan. 

Gilligan immediately checked her liquor cabinet and refrigerator, but “the alcohol was untouched, and all my malt liquor was still in the (refrigerator) door”.  Her confusion grew when she could not detect any alcohol on Gregory’s breath. 

Eventually, Gregory sobered up and learned an adult lesson.  “He was hungover, but he blamed it on the flu”, says Gilligan.

Popular in Russia and Great Britain since 2001, Vodka Roll-ups hit American stores earlier this month, and stories like the Gilligan’s are becoming more prevalent as parents are fooled by clever marketing and packaging.  For example, the Vodka Roll-ups box shows three dinosaurs dancing and playing under a tree.  Consumer watchdog Alan Ratcliff says that such packaging draws young people to the product, without knowing what is inside the box.

“Children are drawn to goofy, animated characters”, says Ratcliff.  “All foods and products geared towards children are packaged in such a way to draw a child’s attention, even the products that are good, nutritious snacks.  It is obvious that these new alcohol products, such as Vodka Roll-ups, are using that strategy”.   

According to Ratcliff, similar products such as “Extreme Wine!!” are targeting older children and teenagers, and he sees no end to the marketing tricks that companies such as General Spirits will use.  “The label on a bottle of Extreme Wine shows a skateboarder skating through a vineyard.  This is obviously an attempt to attract kids to their product.  The wine is also bright green in color, which kids love.  Also, the inside of the label has a picture of Britney Spears in a bikini, meaning that the entire bottle must be emptied in order to see (the picture of Spears).”

General Spirits denies marketing to underage drinkers.  Says company spokesperson Carl Stern, “Skateboarding is a sport that is popular with drinkers of all ages.  I mean, Tony Hawk is in his thirties.  And, I don’t care how old you are, Britney Spears is just plain hot.”

While Ratcliff and other consumer advocates try to get these products pulled from American stores, mothers like Claudia Gilligan will have to be more careful about what they buy for their children to eat and drink.  “I won’t get tricked again.  I’m gonna be sure that Gregory’s snacks are wholesome and alcohol-free.  Like, I’ll probably buy him a lot of snack chips and soda.  I know that’s not bad for him”, says Gilligan.

Click Here to go to the front page and get more satire!
Liquor Companies Deny Marketing to Underage Drinkers
Critics cite "Vodka Roll Ups", "Extreme Wine"