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| Buffalo, NY – David Fultz is known to his buddies as “Fantasy Dave”. He is the two-time defending champion of their NFL fantasy league, and is off to another great start this year. Fultz loves the attention and feelings of accomplishment that come along with being a great fantasy football player, but it puzzled as to why the rest of his life is a relative mess. Fultz works as a line cook at the local Olive Garden restaurant. “Like, my job is really crappy”, says Fultz. “When I like, win in fantasy football, I feel really cool and smart. I don’t feel that way when I’m shoving lasagna and chicken parmesan into a microwave.” In addition to an unsatisfying job environment, Fultz has had trouble keeping girlfriends happy, and is currently single. “Chicks like, don’t care about sports and stuff, especially fantasy leagues. It’s hard to talk to someone who doesn’t appreciate that kind of stuff”. Fultz’s last girlfriend, Tina Dotson, says that she couldn’t put up with David’s constant bragging about his fantasy league success. “He thought he was hot stuff because of some dumb fantasy thing that him and his dorky friends play. Now, if he’d have gotten the high score in video trivia down at the Rooster Lounge, that would be something to brag about.” Fultz counters that Dotson and other ex-girlfriends simply do not understand the intricacies of the fantasy game. “Like last week, I didn’t start (St. Louis quarterback Kurt) Warner because I knew that the Tampa defense would be able to stop (St. Louis running back Marshall) Faulk with their run blitzes, and then Warner would be forcing his throws. Plus, (Warner’s) injured thumb is worse than the Rams are reporting. So I started (Cleveland quarterback) Tim Couch instead, and damned if he didn’t have a great game. Now, if some chick like Tina can’t understand that, then I don’t need her anyways.” Fultz is hoping to make a living playing fantasy football, but is unsure how that will come about. “Maybe I could host a TV show, or go around the country talking to people about fantasy football. I don't know, there's got to be something”. Until then, Fultz will continue to cook at the Olive Garden, unless he is caught smoking marijuana on the job again. “I’m on, like, my last warning”, said Fultz. And, he is confident that he will again be the champion of his fantasy league. “I will definitely win, dude”, said Fultz during an unapproved break at The Olive Garden. “I mean, you think Sully (Fultz's friend Andrew Sullivan) is gonna beat me? Not with (Tennessee Titan quarterback Steve) McNair as his starter, he's not. I mean, come on." Fultz realizes that not everyone appreciates his talent. "I know some people think fantasy players are geeks, or losers. But, hey, I’m ‘Fantasy Dave’, and that’s not a title that I take lightly.” |
| Man's Fantasy Football Prowess not Translating into Real-Life Success |