Los Angeles, CA – While other network shows cycle into re-runs this winter, Fox Television will debut its new reality series, “Cellvivor”. The show will document one man’s decision-making process as potential cellular phone providers court him and try to win his business.
Rick Nash, a computer programmer from Tacoma, Washington will be the first person to weed through the cell phone providers and make a decision. Nash was chosen after Fox conducted a nation-wide search for the show’s first star.
“I’m real excited”, said Nash during a phone interview. “I mean, to be on television is a dream come true. And, I really need a cell phone, so this works out pretty well.”
“Cellvivor” will run for twelve weeks, with one cellular provider being eliminated at the end of each show during a dramatic sequence Fox is calling “The Conference Call”. All remaining cell providers will place a call to Nash, and he will not answer the call from the provider that is being eliminated.
The providers will range from large national players such as T-Mobile and Cingular to smaller regional companies. Each will each choose a sales representative to be on the show and try to win Nash’s business.
“It’ll be real interesting to see what type of sales representative these providers choose to be on the show”, says Fox Television executive Andrew Montoya. “A lot of cellular sales reps are very knowledgeable, but can talk too much about coverage areas and roaming. This will ultimately confuse a potential buyer. Other (sales representatives) are just hot chicks that guys will buy anything from. Either approach might work with Mr. Nash.”
CBS executives are fuming over Cellvivor’s apparent similarities to its own hit show, Survivor. “Fox is once again trying to duplicate the success of a CBS program”, said CBS vice-president of entertainment Patricia Tannery. She also cited a program Fox attempted to air in the early 1990’s called “Murder, He Wrote”, which Tannery says CBS successfully blocked from airing.
Regardless of CBS objections and potential lawsuits, the show is slated to air on Wednesday nights starting in January. Cellvivor will be hosted by comedian and former Monday Night Football commentator Dennis Miller.
“It’s gonna be a gas, man. A total gas”, said Miller. “Kind of like a struggling post-modern artist living in France, trying to do a paint-by-number portrait of Sinatra playing poker with three dogs. I mean, come on, people. Let’s stop pretending that the existential right-wingers are running this wacked-out show that we call home and start dealing with the fact that we all play a part in keeping this spinning mass of water and dirt going. I can’t wait to host this show!”
Click Here to go to the front page and get more satire! |
