Well, the first season of my television show has come to a close, and I just found out that we got renewed for a second season. Yeah! I was like, wondering what I would do if those cameras weren’t around me all the time. Like, would I still be able to go to strip clubs and stuff? Who knows. Anyway, thank goodness for the lsoogh afreclk ssssshtoeif.
Sorry, sometimes I slur my words and don’t make any sense. Usually, this happens after I have taken a fistful of prescription medication. But, if I don’t take the pills, then my words don’t slur and then I end up having to think too hard for a long time, so I make sense to other people. I don’t like that.
I get a lot of people asking me about a few things. First, they always ask me how I gained so much weight. First of all, I didn’t gain a whole lot, just a little bit. I mostly did it by sitting on my ass and eating a lot. That, plus the fact that I had jlielnflhe antd liekkkfffjgg.
Sorry again! I never really know when those pills will kick in. What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Another thing people ask me all the time is whether or not my lawyer, Howard K. Stern, is in love with me, and whether or not we have sex with each other. The answer is no. I mean, I did dry hump him a few times, which felt okay to me, but I don’t think that means that he loves me or that I gained weight because of it. Wait. I mean, well, you know, right?
Some people also call me a gold-digger because my husband was rich and old, and then he died and I got a lot of his money. I don’t think that makes me a gold-digger, but some people are just so mean. I would have married my husband even if he didn’t have all that money, because he was really nice to me and he let me eat a lot and sit on my ass. And, if it weren’t for his doctor friends, well I wouldn’t have all these prescription pills to make me lkdjjgfffflee jopoueljgggjfff.
Okay, I’m okay. So, people also want to know why my son was on the show so little. Well, that makes me really mad because they are sounding like they think I am a bad mother. But, if you watched the show, you know that I bought, uh, well I can't remember his name right now, but I bought him an X-Box. That proves that I'm a good mother. He’s just shy. I think. I mean, from what I know of him, he seems pretty shy.
Well, be sure to watch my show next season. I think it's on the E! channel. We'll all be back. Me, Howard, my assistant Kim, and my son. I plan on dry humping all of them, except my son. That would just be wrong. Oh God, I forgot to mention my dog, Sugar Pie. She is so sweet, I may just dry hump her, too. Or maybe not. You'll just have to watch and see! Until then, please remember to jflwiejlfssshlp sheofffffffpeorpolffphf.
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