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| Man Cultivates Acne to Keep Youthful Appearance "It's cheaper than buying a Corvette" says Charlotte machinist |
| Charlotte, NC – Hair tonics, plastic surgery, even exercise. These days, men are trying just about everything to maintain a youthful look as they hit middle-age, and are spending billions of dollars in the process. Steve Hudson, a forty-two year old machinist from Charlotte, NC, says he has discovered the ultimate way to defy middle-age and keep looking young, and it is not expensive. He grows acne. “I was trying to think of some way to look younger, but didn’t want to look stupid. I thought very hard, and it suddenly came to me. Acne is an affliction almost exclusively held by young people. It seemed to make a lot of sense that if I had acne, I would appear to be younger.” So Hudson, who is single, immediately stopped washing his face. He also started covering his face and neck with vegetable oil before going to bed each night, and consumed as much chocolate as he could. It didn’t take long for his methods to provide astonishing results. “I got my first blackhead, which I named ‘Blackie’, about three days (after starting his regimen). And, it wasn’t long before Blackie had a lot of friends”, says Hudson. Certainly, looking at Hudson today, you would not guess his age to be forty-two. With his face and neck practically covered with puss-filled acne, he could easily be mistaken for an awkward teenager who works the fryer at Burger King. The response has been mostly positive, says Hudson. He is often asked to produce identification when buying beer and cigarettes, and is routinely condescended to by adults. “Older people give me dirty looks a lot, because they think I’m some young punk. I even had one old guy call me ‘young man’ the other day when I was pumping gas. He was trying to get by me and he said ‘Excuse me, young man’. That was pretty cool.” Despite his new appearance, Hudson’s dating frequency has not increased. He scoffs, however, at the idea that his puss-filled acne is a turn off to potential mates. “Girls definitely think I’m a young dude, but for some reason, I’m still not bagging any chicks. It really doesn’t make sense. I’ve got my own car, my own apartment, and a time-share in Jacksonville. Any broad should be willing to overlook some zits, if they can get the entire package that I’m offering.” Click Here to go to the front page and get more satire! |