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All material written by Doug Small  Copyright © 2002 Doug Small
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The Blue Brick is a newspaper parody and satire website.  This is not an actual news site. 
Wal-Mart Greeter’s Inconsistency Troubles Company Executives, Stockholders
Everything from “How are you today?” to “Welcome to the Shizzy” greets shoppers
    Lakeland, FL - George Sutherland stands near the entrance of Wal-Mart, wearing the company’s trademark blue vest and his own denim blue jeans.  His job is to welcome shoppers to the store, offering them a handshake and a kind greeting.  It is a job that the sixty-six year old retiree finds rewarding.  “The average shopper comes into the store, which is usually a mother dragging three or four screaming kids.  Now, she’s there looking for low-cost alternatives to everyday products, and maybe some new clothes or automotive products.  Now, if I can make her smile and shut her kids up for a minute, I feel great and I know that I’ve done a good job.”  Just how does Sutherland do it?  He simply smiles and offers a kind word.  “How are you today?” is my favorite, says Sutherland.  “If it’s a child that I’m greeting, I might say ‘Hi little one’, and pat them on the head or something like that.  Once in a while, I’ll throw in a ‘Hi there’, but generally I prefer the classic greetings over the newer ones.”   
     A new breed of younger Wal-Mart greeters, however, is moving towards trendier ways to say hello to shoppers.  Recent visits by Blue Brick employees to the Lakeland, Florida store where Sutherland works were greeted with “Whazzup?” and “Welcome to the Shizzy” by a young man wearing not only the trademark blue vest, but baggy nylon pants, a tattered Nike visor, and a large gold chain around his neck.  We spoke to the young man, James Inez, after his shift and discovered that he greets customers much the same way that he greets his friends.  “Yo, I’m just spreadin’ love the way I do with my shorties”, said Inez.  “It ain’t like I’m disrespecting no one.”
     But some regular Wal-Mart shoppers disagree.  Agnes Dooley stops into Wal-Mart almost everyday.  “Sometimes I need to buy things, and other times I just like to walk around and look at people”, she says.  The younger greeters, however, are confusing older shoppers such as Dooley.  “The other day I came into the store, and as I entered, a young man nodded to me and said ‘Welcome to ‘da Mart.  We glad you came up in here to drop your bling’.  I smiled at him and assumed he had said something kind, but I really had no idea.  I considered leaving and going to Target, but thought the better of it.  That Target is so expensive, you know.”    
     We showed videotape of the greetings and subsequent interviews to Wal-Mart executive Tom Kingsley, who is responsible for North American marketing.  Kingsley was not surprised at what he saw and heard, and said that Wal-Mart originally did not want to squelch the creativity and individuality of their greeters by forcing them to use a standard salutation.  After several complaints from customers such as Dooley, and more importantly, shareholders, Wal-Mart is now reconsidering its stance.  “We have had some problems with greeters offending some shoppers, albeit unintentionally.  Usually, it is a young person who greets an older shopper, and the older shopper is not used to hearing ‘What up, Shorty?’ upon entering a Wal-Mart.” 
     Like any inconsistency, “Greetgate” has hurt Wal-Mart in the eyes of Wall Street.  “Wal-Mart shareholders are generally conservative investors.  That type of investor looks for consistency and stability, and this whole greeting thing is hurting the stock price” said financial analyst Wendy Smith.
     Kingsley vows that Wal-Mart will either standardize its greeting, or encourage its younger greeters to use more traditional words, especially when greeting older customers.  Either way, James Inez and his young colleagues are most likely in for some new rules at work.  “Whatever”, said Inez.  “I just up in here so I can raise my stack and get me a discount on PlayStation games.  It (Wal-Mart’s proposed new rules) ain’t nothing.”
The Blue Brick is a newspaper parody and satire website.  This is not an actual news site. 
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