Rome, Italy. - The long-rumored break-up of The Holy Trinity became fact yesterday, when The Holy Spirit held a press conference to announce his departure from the group. The other members of The Holy Trinity were not immediately available for comment. The break-up rocked the theological community, casting doubt on the belief that the Holy Trinity was not really a trio, but rather one God revealing himself in three ways.
Citing “artistic differences”, The Holy Spirit said that the trio had been bickering for years, and that he feels that the break-up will be best for all three members of the original power trio. “Even though we are all kind of the same God, we were stuck in a rut, artistically and personally. We’ve basically been doing the same thing for thousands of years”, said The Holy Spirit, “but we had a very popular and successful run, and I think we did a lot of great things together.”
Some industry insiders say that jealousy and bickering led to the disbandment, not artistic differences. Rumors of an unhappy Trinity had swirled for years, and when The Holy Spirit did not show up at a scheduled mass at the Vatican last week, speculation about the future of the trio again became front-page news. “The Holy Spirit has always been overshadowed by The Father and The Son”, said religion reporter Paulo Moretti. “They (The Father and The Son) did all of the writing and teaching, and they are mentioned in a lot more sermons and prayers. As a result, I think that The Holy Spirit felt overlooked, even though the three of them are essentially the same God. It’s pretty confusing, to be honest with you.”
The Holy Spirit did not summarily dismiss the speculation when he responded to a reporter’s inquiry about his future. “I hope that by releasing some solo material, the world will finally see what The Holy Spirit is all about. I feel that now I will finally have my own voice and my own identity. I will have complete control over my material, instead of having to run everything by (The Father and The Son) first.”
Moretti doubts that The Father and The Son will attempt to replace The Holy Spirit, but will continue as a duo. “I don’t think replacing The Holy Spirit is in the cards. He is unique in that he kind of floats around, and is everywhere at the same time, and that’s not an easy attribute to find. Besides, The Father and The Son are strong enough to continue on their own. I mean, The Father created the Earth, for God’s sake. And The Son sacrificed his life for us and forgave all of our sins. They will be just fine as a duo. Even though the three of them are really all just one God. Like I said, it’s pretty confusing.”
The Holy Spirit’s first solo offering titled “I Got Spirit, Yes I Do. I Got Spirit, How ‘bout You?” will hit stores next week. It will be a mix of different styles and will reflect the myriad of influences that The Holy Spirit credits for helping to form his sound. “Over the past several thousand years, I have been fortunate to be around a lot of great artists, from Michelangelo to Mozart to Darryl Hall and John Oates. I think my first solo effort will reflect that wide range of styles.” “I Got Spirit, Yes I Do. I Got Spirit, How ‘bout You?” also features several guest artists, including Missy Elliot and Henry Rollins, as well as a duet with Gwen Stefani. |
