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| Kevin Bacon Linked to Al Qaeda In six “degrees”, actor becomes suspect |
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| Chicago, IL. - “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” is a popular game in which players attempt to link the actor to other celebrities, through his many movie roles. Now, the once harmless game has landed Bacon in some hot water with U.S. authorities. It seems that by using the rules of the game, Bacon can be connected to Al Qaeda terrorists in six steps. Desperate to bring the terrorist organization to justice, the U.S. government began looking at Bacon about three months ago. “We heard that almost everyone in the world is somehow connected through Mr. Bacon, so we hired some avid fans (of Mr. Bacon) and put them to work, trying to connect him to Al Qaeda” said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer at a press conference held Monday. “Damned if we didn’t find a connection, and now we are very anxious to talk to Mr. Bacon and see exactly what it is that he knows.” The assembled team discovered the following link just last week: 1. Kevin Bacon starred in “She’s Having a Baby”, which also featured Alec Baldwin. 2. Alec Baldwin starred in “Malice”, which also featured actress Nicole Kidman. 3. Nicole Kidman starred in “Dead Calm”, which also starred actor Billy Zane. 4. Billy Zane starred in Titanic, which chronicled the untimely death of thousands of innocent civilians 5. Thousands of innocent civilians were killed in the terrorist attacks of last September 6. The terrorist attacks of last September were carried out by the terrorist group Al Qaeda. When asked if the government would also be questioning other celebrities and actors that appear in the link, Fleischer responded “No. No one else is under investigation at this time. That is not how the game is played. The game is played by connecting Mr. Bacon to others, which is why we want him (Bacon). If the game was called ‘Six Degrees of Billy Zane’, then of course we would want to speak to Mr. Zane. But that’s not (what the game is called).” At press time, Kevin Bacon was not yet in custody, and had recently issued a press release calling the accusations “absurd”. Several journalists and middle east experts agreed that it is unlikely that Bacon knows anything about terrorist activities. ABC newsman Sam Donaldson likened the chance that Bacon is linked to Al Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden to the probability of the actor’s singing career taking off. “There’s no way in hell that either is very likely”. Click Here to go to the Front Page and get more satire! |